Wed Apr 2, 2014, 6:47 AM
Thank you everyone who has supported me and given me their valuable advice about how to deal with my family situation in China. I'm happy to say that my father and I are on much better terms now. It's honestly more than I could ever have hoped for and I haven't been this happy in a long time.
The comments you guys left really helped me believe in myself. Thanks to everyone's encouragement, I know I wasn't in the wrong. I was able to firmly explain my problems with my father. It took many long and heated discussions before we finally came to an understanding but it was definitely worth it. He eventually admitted that he was wrong, and shouldn't have brushed me aside as being "too bothersome" or not worth angering his crazy wife for. He said he regrets the way he treated me, and has promised to try to visit me once a year. It's really hard to put into words how much that means to me, and I truly thank you all for helping me get to this point.
I read in the comments that many have experienced similar or even worse family situations than mine. Looking back, I consider myself fortunate to have a father who is willing to change for the better. I sincerely hope everyone coming from a dysfunctional family can eventually find peace and reconcile. Before my father apologized, I never could have dreamed that he would ever do so. I was very close to not giving him another chance, but I'm glad I did. I guess what I'm trying to say is, for everyone out there who still hurting due to their family, don't give up just yet. I hope everyone can find happiness one way or another. As long as there is a tomorrow, there is still hope.
With that said, my flight back to the US is tomorrow morning. I'll be working hard on Fisheye Placebo and all the other things I've put aside due to this trip to China. Again, thank you guys for all the support through out all the years!
In other news, I'll be at Kraken Con this April 6th at the Oakland Convention Center with my prints and booksI really look forward to meeting everyone back in America again See you guys there!
Wed Mar 19, 2014, 8:59 AM
I've been in China for almost a week now, and all the memories I have of this place is flooding back. Unfortunately, many of those memories are quite negative. A lot of people commented on my last journal asking why my stepmom and half brother had tried to kill me. It's not a secret and I'm in a weird mood right now so I'll retell the story.
I last visited China almost five years ago. I was unfortunate enough to be stranded at the LAX airport for two days. During that time, I met another girl my age who was also returning to China to visit family. We talked for a long time and I found out her parents are also divorced like mine. She told me how her stepmom would regularly burn her with cigarette buds. I was horrified but I felt lucky that my stepmom is kind to me. I told her I was lucky to have a nice stepmom. I had never been so wrong.
When I first arrived, my stepmom greeted me kindly, and we talked, joked, and hung out like a regular family would. But her mask was quickly cracking and she couldn't keep up with the facade anymore. What happened afterwards made no sense no matter how many times I've thought about it. It started with a missing fruit knife. It was a cheap fruit knife of no value. She couldn't find it and insisted that I had lost it even though I never used a knife at their place. She screamed and yelled for hours and hours at my dad about how I lost the knife. I would be in my room and I could still hear every word clearly. This entire time, her eight year son (my half brother) was in the same room, watching his mom losing her mind. I couldn't understand why she was so angry about a missing fruit knife until I heard her scream "- and your daughter doesn't want me here either!"
I was beginning to grasp the situation then. She thought I didn't like her because she's not my biological mom, even though that wasn't the case at all. In the next few days, she refused to move from the sofa or do anything at all. Before she started going insane, we had planned to visit a historical site as part of the family vacation. The day before the trip, she told her son that she doesn't want to go anymore so he's not allowed to go either even though he wanted to. She screamed and yelled all night but the next morning, she was smiling, happy, and ready for us to all go as a family.
During the trip, she would constantly disappear along with her son. One moment we would all be walking together, and then suddenly they would vanish for 10 to 20 minutes.
After the trip, she went back to screaming her head off. Then suddenly she ran away. I would later find out that this is the third time she had done so. For every time I visited my dad in the past years, she would pretend to be kind to me until her hatred for me could no longer be contained and she would run away. She hated me because I was a constant reminder to her that my dad had once loved someone else. I was kept blissfully ignorant and told she was just visiting family every time.
This time, however, her son was left behind. Turns out all those times they kept disappearing during the family trip was when she would tell him lies about how I was a "spy" sent by my mother and grandma to ruin his family. And when his mother ran away, all of his fears came true. I was the evil foreigner who came and made his mother disappear. So he decided to take matters into his own hands and grabbed a kitchen knife to kill me.
My dad was sitting on the couch with me when my half brother tried to kill me. My dad was disturbingly calm during the entire event. My half brother explained that because his mom told him I have a black heart, I need to be destroyed. Meanwhile, my dad calmly explained that there has been a misunderstanding and left it at that. My dad said it was no big deal because his son would try to stab people all the time, so it was normal. I was freaked out, but my half brother had put the knife away so I thought maybe he understood that I'm not actually trying to ruin his family.
We went out to eat dinner right afterwards, the three of us, like a family. My half brother even fed me some fries so I thought everything had gone back to normal. Turns out he was a lot like his mother, kind and smiling until the mask comes off. My dad went to bed early right after dinner. I went to work on my webcomic, 1000 Words, which ironically was about how much pain divorce has on a child. Having gone through it myself, I would never wish that same fate upon my half brother. While I worked in the office, he came in and opened all the drawers. He dug out every single wedding photo of his mom and my dad and started shoving them in my face. I told him to stop because I need to work. He said "Ha! I knew it. This is proof that you want to ruin my family because you're jealous. Don't underestimate me. I know how to kill you."
At that moment, the phone rang. It was his mom. I told her my dad is asleep and that she needs to seriously reflect upon what her lies have done to her son. When she found out he had tried to kill me, she laughed and said "that's your dad's problem now."
At that point, I had had enough. I packed up all of my belongings while my dad slept and got ready to leave for my grandparent's place. Right before I got out the door, my step mom came back and grabbed my suitcase, refusing to let me go. Her crazed reasoning was that if I leave, my dad would be sad, and he would blame her for it so I'm not allowed to leave. I had to kick and claw myself away from her. I escaped in a taxi and arrived at my grandparent's place after midnight.
After I returned to America, my half brother would regularly hijack my dad's QQ acount (Chinese messenger) to send me pictures of bloody knives and bombs.
Years later, when I found out that my dad was denied by the US to visit me for my college graduation, many people asked why can't I just go back to see him in China. I had to explain that I'm not safe there so people suggested that I could meet my dad in another country and vacation together, just the two of us and safely away from the drama. I thought it was a great idea so I suggested it to him. He said no, because it's too "bothersome". He doesn't want his wife to get angry at him for seeing me, so he chickened out. I kept bringing up that I want to see him, so he finally said that he was "dying" so he doesn't have enough time left to see me. I cried, and cried even more when I found out he was completely lying to get out of seeing me.
I stopped talking to him afterwards. I would later find out through my grandma that he was complaining about how I'm such a bad daughter who doesn't even call. How unlucky of me to have been born his daughter. If I had been born his son, I could try to kill my own sibling and still be loved more by him.
Now that I'm back in China again, this time not to see him but to visit my grandparents, he wants to play father again. I got to see him once a month when I was a child, so there's a part of me that will always long to spend time with a father. But now that he's here, I can't forget all of the things that had happened. I can't enjoy my time with him. Every moment is filled with awkward silence.
I don't know what to do anymore. I want to be happy this time.
Wed Mar 12, 2014, 11:43 AM
It's been almost five years since I last visited my homeland, and I'm excited and scared at the same time.
My last visit in 2009 left me a bit traumatized but I think I'm okay now. My stepmother and half brother in China had tried to kill me with a kitchen knife. I was shaking and crying when I escaped in a taxi that night. After that event, I couldn't feel safe anymore. I changed my flight to return to the US sooner, and never wanted to go back again.
But that's in the past now. I miss my grandparents and other relatives. I miss the food, the cicadas, the unique mountainscape of Sichuan, and ever dwindling bits of the old city that's quickly being replaced by skyscrapers.
I'm looking forward to seeing how much China has changed. Though I'm not looking forward to breathing that air. Air pollution is such a constant health hazard that I had to buy hundreds of dollars worth of respirators for me and my grandparents. I will also be buying air purifiers (that's another five hundred dollars) for the apartment they live in. People think living in China is cheap, but that is until you realize being cheap comes at a cost. When the government and corporations cut cost on environmental regulations, the money they saved and pocketed for their own gains is billed back to the public in the form of pollution. The money it costs to buy respirators, air purifiers, and pay medical bills for pollution related health damages is way beyond the money saved.
RIght now, I am typing this journal in California. The sky is blue, the air is clean. I check the Air Quality Index everyday. And while my location is always below 50 (the good healthy zone), China's number is always between 200 (unhealthy) to 500 (hazardous). These numbers are a grim reminder of what unregulated industrialization does to the environment we live in. Even where I live in California, 1/3 of the local pollution is blown in from China. Pollution is not a regional problem, it's a global problem. So with that in mind, no matter where you live, be sure to do your share to help the environment. Be it as simple as recycling, or planting a tree, or making sure your government has strict environmental standards in place; anything helps.
That's also why I made Knite. I wanted everyone to know the true value of clean air. I know I haven't updated a Knite chapter in a long time (due to reasons I cannot legally disclose), but rest assured I have not abandoned the story. It will be continued once things have been sorted out. In the mean time, I will be working hard on Fisheye Placebo, which is partially inspired by the extreme censorship situation in China. Many websites, including facebook, twitter, and reddit, are blocked in China. This is to prevent the spread of information about government corruption and scandals, and to prevent people from organizing protests in response to the human rights violations. I had to purchase a reliable VPN to bypass China's firewall. It's hard to imagine the freedom many of us experience online is not a regular right that the people in China can enjoy.
(Actual cartoons of internet police used by the Chinese government a few years back to remind internet users that they're constantly being watched)
I hope this trip to China will give me new insights for both of the stories that I've been working on. With that said, my flight is tomorrow. I will be back in the US on April 3rd. See you guys later!
Tue Mar 4, 2014, 3:47 PM
Hey guys! My wonderful friends at Operation-Requiem organized this amazing charity art book! Please support their cause and pre-order your very own Attack on TItan Art Book~
The book includes
- 75+ artists
- 80+ pages
- Hardcover book
- Limited edition extras!
All proceeds go to charity: water. If you have any questions regarding the artbook, please let them know by sending them a note!
The limited editions also come with postcards, stickers, buttons and keychains.
Pre-orders end on March 31st! Get them HERE before they're all gone!
Tue Jan 21, 2014, 1:52 PM
Hey guys! Enjoying the new school year? If you're not too busy, come hang out with me at Anime on Display in the Hyatt Regency Hotel at the San Francisco International Airport this weekend, Jan 25-26th! www.aodsf.org/ as usual, I'll be there with books and prints
I know I always say hang out, but it seems some people are still too scared to really talk to me don't be afraid! Everyone is welcomed to sit behind the table with me and chat for as long as they want See you guys there!
This is my friend, Bri, chopping me down to save all of mankind... or to steal my green tea frappuccino.
Sun Dec 29, 2013, 3:42 PM
Happy almost New Year!
I’ll be at SacAnime again this January 3rd-5th, 2014 at the Sacramento Convention Center with books and prints as usual. I was put in a weird spot this year at Industry table # 6 and not listed on the pamphlet ): but I'll still be somewhere in the dealer's room. Come by and hang out!
In other news, I was visiting family so the next Fisheye Placebo strip is a bit delayed but I’ll try my best to finish it within a week. Thanks for being patient!
In other news, I was visiting family so the next Fisheye Placebo strip is a bit delayed but I’ll try my best to finish it within a week. Thanks for being patient!
Wed Nov 13, 2013, 3:07 PM
This is will be the last con of the year for me, and what better way to end it than at the con held by my very own university I'll be at the annual Anime Destiny convention this November 16 at the Clark Kerr Conference Center at UC Berkeley, CA. As usual, I'll be in the Artist Alley with prints and books.
This year the Artist Alley will be in the Krutch Theatre due to construction of the usual location. Anime Destiny is a small con, but it's also one of my favorites because I get to see a lot of my old Berkeley friends there, and meet news ones as well. If you live in the bay area, come by and hang out!
(Photo from last year! My friend Kiba-Shiruba made me a mustache cake pop )
Sat Nov 2, 2013, 3:11 PM
I saw this awesome Fisheye Placebo music video by Linda Neumann and realized that it would probably be easier for music video editors and language translators to have a textless version of all of the panels so here it is www.dropbox.com/sh/84jcondrsyl…
Feel free to download the images for any class projects, music videos, translations, etc. Please credit and remember that I drew these for everyone to read for free, so do not try to sell or profit from my work in anyway. If I find people charging others for translated versions of this story, or selling copies of my work, I will be very angry ):
That aside, check out the cool video! She did a wonderful job editing everything
Wed Oct 2, 2013, 11:32 PM
Thank you guys so much for the deviousness award! But it's really not just this award, thank you all for the support through out the years.
I can honestly say that I grew up with this community and everyone here has taught me so much, and not just about art, but also on how to be a person. When I first got this account at the age of 12, I could have never imagined how much it has shaped my life and career. It sounds cliche but I probably wouldn't have became an artist if it hadn't been for everyone here on deviantART. Through all of the ups and downs in life, the community has always been the support and inspiration that kept me going.
I hope to give back as much as everyone has given me. I will continue to create more comics, tutorials and art in the future. I will never stop, and I have you all to thank for that.
So truly, thank you!
Mon Sep 30, 2013, 2:47 PM
My friends from Tapastic and I will be at Kraken Con this Oct 5th in San Francisco! I'll be in the dealer's hall selling my prints and books as usual, and Tapastic will also be there to do a panel about webcomics! Feel free to stop by and say hi! We'll be happy to answer any questions you might have about anything comic and publishing related! Or just hang out
You can find a map of the dealer's here www.krakencon.com/exhibits/
See you there!
Sun Sep 29, 2013, 7:37 PM
Hey guys! I want to spread the good news about my friend DeevElliott's two new anthologies that will be strictly reserved for up coming artists here on DeviantART! If you're a new and aspiring comic artist looking for a chance to be published with a seasoned professional, this is it!
I've met Dave many times and he is always looking to help younger artists in need of a kick start! His current projects are detailed in this journal techgnotic.deviantart.com/jour… along with lots of great advice on how to get into the publishing industry. His two anthologies and how to participate in his project is also linked in there.
Tue Aug 27, 2013, 1:23 PM
The full shipment of Knite books finally arrived! All first 500 pre-orders will be signed and shipped within the next few days You can still order them at 4DE.com
The books and other posters will also be for sale at SacAnime this August 30th to Steptember 1st in the Artist Alley at table IND7! See you there!
Wed Jul 24, 2013, 4:58 PM
Drawing of one of the Kintoki-con badges www.kintoki-con.com
I feel kind of bad that at all the big conventions like AX or Fanime, I am always so busy that I don't actually get to have a real conversation with anyone, but at a small con like Kintoki, I really get to talk and know people so if you're in the Sacramento, California area this weekend, come by my booth and hang out! And I was thinking that we could all get dinner together on either Saturday or Sunday night (July 27th/28th) after the hall closes I got to have dinner with some friends I met at AX and it was a lot of fun. I hope to meet and hang out with lots of new friends at Kintoki-con as well!
Also, if your interested in creating digital artworks like this one, or just how to be involved in the community, I will be host hosting a Digital Illustration panel with Kaze-Hime and Long Vo this Saturday and an Anime, Art, and Activism panel this Sunday I will also be in the Dealers Hall area the rest of the time with the new Knite book and prints! If you're in the area, come hang out! More info at www.kintoki-con.com
It feels like it's been forever since I last updated a real drawing and the truth is I've been incredibly busy with conventions and moving to a new apartment. Once all that is over in August, I will get back to creating the tutorials I promised and more comics of course
Sat Jul 13, 2013, 10:58 AM
I finally did it! It took months of sleepless nights and endless coding but I finally finished it! The official Fisheye Placebo website with lots of never before seen concept art and extras is now up at
In other news, I'm honored to be part of deviantART's How-to Panel: Creator + Audience this Saturday 7/20 at 12:15 in Room 2 at the San Diego Comic Con! comic-con.deviantart.com/ If you're already going, be sure to drop by our panel!
Tue Jul 2, 2013, 11:16 AM
I will be at Anime Expo this July 4th -7th, 2013 at the LA Convention Center in California. You can find me in the Artist Alley at tables A24 - A25, under the name Wenqing Yan/Yuumei. I will be selling a limited 200 copies of the new Knite book, 1000 Words, and all of my posters
Come by and hang out!
Fri Jun 28, 2013, 6:33 PM
Knite Book 1 is finally out for pre-order at 4DE.COM!
The first 500 pre-ordered will come autographed by me!
And if you're going to Anime Expo this weekend, you can get a signed copy before everyone else! There will only be 200 copies available at the con since the rest of the shipment has not arrived yet. My Artist Alley table is at A24 and A25. My other book, 1000 Words, and all posters will also be on sale at the con.
See you there!
"The night sky is black, shrouded with a fog of soot and toxins. The gears of China's industrial revolution turn, unceasing, manufacturing the wants of an entire world. The consequences soar upwards until the lights of the heavens have dimmed and vanished altogetherů
But there will be stars this night.
The Knites have made it their mission bring the stars back to the night in China, hanging from the tails of kites. Some call it foolishness; others will find hope in the Knites' work. Hope that someday the shroud will lift, and people will see beyond the towering monoliths of industry and gaze upon the true stars once more."
Reading Level: Teen and up
Hardcover: 68 pages
Author/Artist: Wenqing Yan
Publisher: 4th Dimension Entertainment
Dimensions: 10.5 x 8" (26.7 x 20.3 cm)
Pre-order now at 4DE.COM
Mon Jun 17, 2013, 5:10 PM
Hey guys! Fanime was amazing but it totally left me sick for weeks after I got better, I went through the letters I got and found one that had nothing but $20 and a note describing one of my posters. It looked like someone made a mistake and accidentally gave me their money without getting a poster. I want to return that money so If it was you, please e-mail me with your name and address.
In other news, I will be at Anime Expo at table A24 and A25 Hopefully the Knite books will be ready by then!
Fri May 17, 2013, 1:08 PM
It took forever to get the confirmation but I will be at Fanime again this year from May 24-27 at the San Jose Convention center in CA!
I will be in the Artist Alley at table number #233 which is right by the entrance!
I'll be selling my prints as usual
Come by and hang out! Some people have told me online that they were too shy to talk to me in person. I love to make new friends at cons so don't be shy!
As I've mentioned in my last post, Fanime has prohibited me from selling my 1000 Words book because it was professionally published. Fanime is the only convention that has such a weird rule without providing a Small Press option for artists with published works. Unfortunately, that means if you were hoping to get a copy of the book this year, it won't be at Fanime. However, I will also be at Anime Expo and Kintoki-con with all the books
See you soon!
See you soon!
Wed May 1, 2013, 11:16 AM
I will be at DAiCON UCDavis this Saturday May 4th, 2013 in the Artist Alley. Like always, I will be selling prints and my book If you live around the area, or is a UCDavis student, come by and say hi! davisanimecon.org/index.html
In other news, I will also be at Fanime, but the Fanime staff has banned me from selling my book in the Artist Alley because it wasn't technically self published. That means if you want to grab a copy of 1000 Words in a N California convention, Fanime is not the con for that. I will be selling the book at DAiCON as mentioned above, and also at Kintoki-con, and Anime Expo.
See you there!
Fri Apr 26, 2013, 11:59 AM
I had the honor of derping with these hilarious Fisheye Placebo cosplayers at Sakura-con!
Good times. Good times.
See you guys again at Fanime! ♥
The level of maturity is overwhelming.
They wanted to cosplay outerwear and underwear so they even made Vance and Frey's panties. Not only that, they also made extra ones for me to wear XD