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Submitted on
March 6, 2009
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Tape it Back Together by yuumei Tape it Back Together by yuumei
My family has a complicated history of separation, immigration, divorce, and remarriage. I won't go into the details but my mom often said to me "It's my life, my choice, I do what I want. You have no right to judge me."

I'm 18, but as a 9 year old child at the time, I couldn't repeat what she said. I could only wonder "Your choice in life affects me too."

Divorce is such a fad these days. Half the people I know have divorced parents, and most of them aren't happy about it. I understand in some situations divorce is the only way, but when your choice affects more than just you, think of the consequences and choose wisely.

With that said, I also wrote a short visual novel about the subject and an interactive narrative .
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KokoroSabishii Featured By Owner Nov 10, 2014
Aaaannd my heart is broken.
EmeraldDawn-16 Featured By Owner Nov 6, 2014  Hobbyist General Artist
My parents devorced when I was around two years old. Despite not remembering it, it did affect me, though a little indirectly. I didn't have a mother until I was about 5, when my dad remarried. My birth mother never seemed to remember me, though my dad did his best to create the illusion that she loved me as dearly as my dad did, even going so far as to get presents, mail them with her address, and time it so that the 'presents' that were from my 'mother' arrived on my birthday. Yet she never called, never wrote...... And when I did go to her house, there were tons of presents, yet I rarely saw her during those visits.  Later on, I learned that my dad covered for her absense many times, and saw firsthand what she desired from me when I was older.

Even though my parents were devorced, I always wondered if it had been mine and my little sister's fault. My mother..... Was a partier, so being weighed down by two babies wasn't her style. While it hurt, it wasn't so bad when I grew older, learned my dad's side of the story, and saw my mother's personality from my own experiences. I knew that the devorce had been a good thing in my life, allowing a mother who was responsible to enter my life and fill the void that the  lack of a mother had caused.....
xelanesque Featured By Owner Oct 26, 2014
I believe if you want a divorce then you should get one and do not let your kids get in the way of your life.
namae-no-nai-uta Featured By Owner Nov 1, 2014  Hobbyist General Artist
But at the same time, things like that negatively affect the child, and that's a horrible thing to do to a little kid who doesn't understand. Speaking from experience twice over, the child thinks it is their fault. "Mommy, does Daddy not love me anymore? Is that why he's gone?" Or vice-versa, in the case where the dad gets custody. It's not fair to the child, and no amount of reassurance will ever make it better. Sure, as the kid gets older and understands the world better, they learn that that really wasn't the case, but it's something that remains with them for the rest of their lives as a painful memory. The years of doubt over whether they were loved or not. The years where they should have had both parents to raise them together. Once you have a kid, you need to think of the well-being of that child as well as your own health. Having a child is not something to treat lightly, and your actions as a parent affect your child.

If the relationship between you and your partner is toxic, then yeah, by all means, get a divorce. But if it's just a conflict of interest, you should try and make it work as best as possible for the sake of your child. There are other ways to deal with a rocky marriage than divorce, and those methods should be employed first if you have a child.
Graveyard-Rose Featured By Owner Oct 20, 2014  Hobbyist General Artist
You can try not to make the same mistakes, and you can be sad about it, it's normal that the divorce of your parents affected you, and maybe it wasn't well treated when you were a kid.

But you have to try and understand your parents. With nine years the world seems a happy place, and your parents perfect people but if you grew up a little more in that enviroment of two people that don't love each other anymore but stay together just because of the kids, you would notice, you would see two not only not perfect people, but sad and frustrated. And that would hurt you too, and consume you, and probably give you a wrong impression of how relationships work.

Maybe your mother should not tell you about your right to judge, but that's a defense tactic... She was not happy about it either but perhaps it was the best choice, even to you; and you have to see that, and that they deserve to be happy too.
Trafal-the-Law Featured By Owner Oct 20, 2014   Traditional Artist
families are over-rated and so are parents.
WrathOfAnAsura Featured By Owner Oct 20, 2014  Hobbyist Traditional Artist
If you could go back and change it you might not have the same knowledge of separation you have today and possibly make the same mistake in the future.
gidigum Featured By Owner Oct 20, 2014  Hobbyist Traditional Artist
My parents divorced when I was 9. The divorce itself didn't affect me at all. To be honest, I didn't really see my parents that much as a child because they were working all the time, so i guess it didn't work out for them later on. I actually got a lot closer to my parents thanks to their breakup, because now non of them had to work that much, and they had more time to spend time with us (me and my two older siblings).
Today i'm only close to my mother. Yes, she made some really bad mistakes after the divorce.. But unlike my dad, she never left us. She was always there for us.
My dad got married to a jealous bitch. She was in our lives for 6 years. For some reason she had decided to hate me and my brother, but love my bigsister. She was really mean, always yelling at me and my bigbro and bullying us. She never let dad defend us or even spend time with us without her, and later he was not allowed to be with anyone than her and her family..  then she made up lies about me and my brother, especially about me, and my dad believed her! She told my dad that i was mean her, telling everyone lies about dad, failed school and stolen money from dad .. Soon my siblings left me out as well after this, and I was afraid to go home because of everyone hating me for no reason. So i ran away from home and lived for about a year here and there, mostly at my friends house.
After 6 years of marrige, dad had lost me and my siblings, and this bitch wife of his had plans to sell our home and move somewhere else with him and leave us, but he refused to leave his kids, and then she finally divorced him. Later he found out that she was the one who had stolen money from him.. He then won us back, but not me entirely.. I love my father, but it's so hard to talk to him after these tough years. So much happened, i can't fit it all in this post.
I just felt like sharing my story with you guys. I'm now 19, i've moved out from home and life is pretty good right now. I'm still pretty badly scared from my dads ex wife, but i can live with it. It's in the past.

It's important for all the divorced parents out there to always think about what's the best for their kids. The divorce may not be that bad, but the new people coming to your childs life makes it tough.
Sorry for this superlong post. I just felt like sharing my story with  you guys. Hugs and a lot of love from me to everyone. <3
II-edison-II Featured By Owner Oct 19, 2014  Hobbyist Traditional Artist
Awww so sad :(
alielana Featured By Owner Oct 19, 2014  Hobbyist General Artist
i just started crying <3 <3 Heart 3D Llama Emoji-07 (Hopeless or Scared) [V1] Llama Emoji-06 (Depress) [V1] Llama Emoji-65 (Blood Tears...) [V3] Llama Emoji 28 (Delicious) [V2] Llama Llama 
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