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Animus: Part 3 by yuumei Animus: Part 3 by yuumei

Part 1 Animus: Part 1 by yuumei Part 2 Animus: Part 2 by yuumei

This the last part of my Animus series exploring the topic of inner ghost/demon that I had to do for class. We were told to interpret ghost/demon in any way we want, so I chose the theme of phobia.

I have this strange phobia of human infants (but not other animal infants). They just give me nightmares for some reason, and I can't even stand the sight of a baby (if there's a baby in the room, I will leave). Needless to say, I never want to get pregnant. However, I'm fine with looking at the very early stages of a fetus when they still share many characteristics with fish (ontogeny recapitulates phylogeny, although not exactly).

Since I have no desire to mother a human baby, I can't empathize with those who do want to become mothers, and that lack of empathy bothers me. While I was doing research for another story of mine, I read about how new dams (which also leads to greater water pollution) are decimating the fish population as well as causing still births in the surrounding villages. Some women can't even get pregnant.

Evolutionarily speaking, life's purpose is to reproduce. Technically we're suppose to pass on our own genes, but in a greater sense, it's also to preserve to our kind. But should our own kind be limited to human kind or all life in general? Of course, humans need other organisms to survive so there's no choice regardless of your personal beliefs.

In conclusion, my inner demon is the turmoil between my phobia of babies and the belief that life's goal is to reproduce. I'm also unsettled by my lack of sympathy for those humans who can't reproduce. I want to convince myself that human infants are no different than any other animals, like fish. I should care about the infertile women affected by water pollution as much as I care about the fish, but no matter how hard I try, I truly only have sympathy for the fish.

So are you all weirded out yet? XD (I'm pretty normal other than that)

Drawn on 18x24 inch regular paper with ball point pen, watercolor, white out, pastel.
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Greenminer Featured By Owner May 20, 2017
This is really sick would you please put a cover on it! It's linked to one of my pictures and is very gross. Put adalt content over it!
arahStRange Featured By Owner Mar 16, 2017  Student Digital Artist
oh my God
wrightsonarts Featured By Owner Oct 25, 2016  Professional Traditional Artist
weird,but i like most of your work :-)
RiviAnne Featured By Owner Apr 11, 2016  Hobbyist Traditional Artist
I couldn't even imagine myself as a pregnant.. mother. It makes me feel scared and weird. I always wanted to adopt baby (when someone asked me) but people they don't get it. Same with animals. I rather adopt than buy (if there is an occasion) and I dont mind about age and condition.
ArtloidMinori Featured By Owner Feb 12, 2016  Student Traditional Artist
im like wow, im speechless and amazed
ur one of the most realist artists i've ever seen, whenever i look at your art, i remember my two friends who are having depression, their art might not be like yours but they do have deep meanings what they are doing, one can interpret these kinds of arts, the other one simply draws something bloody that is not unsettling just as this one
i truly admire these, this is my first time to even look and see realist arts, its scary but they are facts and truth
1000 words hit me the most, not physically but emotionally (wow off topic)
Snowlynx46 Featured By Owner Dec 15, 2015  Student General Artist
This is a beautiful piece, and is by far the best in the series. The blood is quite creepy, and covering the eyes further amplifies this effect. The fish also add a very nice sense of movement to the piece. Great work!

If it makes you feel better, I also have more sympathy for the fish. My first reaction when I read when you wrote about the infertile women was "why doesn't she just move?!" whereas hearing about the fish made me angry at those who built the dam. How are they to destroy the an ecosystem?!
On a similar note, when watching battle scenes in movies a lot of people I have talked to (including myself) are much more concerned with the survival of the horses than their riders. I think sympathizing more with animals than humans suffering because of man-made problems (be it war or dam-building) is fairly normal. I am most certainly not weirded out by anything you said in the description. It might be because (subconsciously?) we perceive the animals as innocent, and more helpless because they are oblivious to the situation. 
sugarspiceallnice Featured By Owner Dec 13, 2015  Hobbyist Traditional Artist
Wow, so surreal, dreamy, dark and wonderfull! I really enjoy all tree and all your other works (just found this one). Looking forward to seeing more, because this is really amazing :D
TheBugGirL Featured By Owner Nov 29, 2015  Hobbyist Traditional Artist
TzalekPulse Featured By Owner Nov 21, 2015  Hobbyist General Artist
Wow, I'd never have guessed that meaning, but still it's gorgeous! I could look at the picture for hours and think about it.
ArtistFox12 Featured By Owner Nov 17, 2015  Professional Traditional Artist
Holy smokes! This is weird but nice amazing artwork you did here!
LusaHain Featured By Owner Oct 9, 2015
good! :)
Cherry-Ksyss Featured By Owner Sep 26, 2015  Hobbyist Traditional Artist
Your works could be called "weird" but they have something special in them... Something that makes it impossible to stop looking. 
Asche-Creedance Featured By Owner Jun 29, 2015  Hobbyist Writer
hmm...I had never heard of that phobia before...really rather interesting a lesbian I never have to worry about procreation...though my best friend Justin and I have talked about one day adopting...but NOT a baby...a kid maybe even a young troubled teen...I'm not so much freaked out by the baby itself but more that I'm afraid I might somehow "break the baby" for the situation with the infertile women and the fish...I feel just as bad for both...I tend to over empathize for people and animals equally and far too old shrink said it was a coping mechanism to keep from having to focus on myself...and with my self deprecating personality I'm sure she was right...and as always I love your work.
LiamSharp Featured By Owner Jan 12, 2015  Professional Artist
Amazing. :-)
MantaTheMisukitty Featured By Owner Dec 12, 2014  Hobbyist Digital Artist
I can relate to you in many ways in this, even though your fear isn't the usual tokophobia. I can't feel much sympathy towards pregnant women either. People always go crazy, when a friend or a family member is pregnant or just gave birth to a baby, but I don't have the will to even pretend, that I'm happy for them. Instead I'll just creep out on my own and say nothing :I
Scarease Featured By Owner May 2, 2014  Hobbyist General Artist
my attachment to people is low if it not someone i now i could care less i still feel sorry for life but do to my mentality to the human race as a destuctive ,selfish ,denialistic creature that are lead them selves to destruction and time i am sadden by the loss of good people but other wise uncare to most of are current race do to overpopution and other negative a come to see the deaths cause by flood and other as just like hear about the 9/11 the ddeath were not what anger me , the coruption and evil that create the event so to start war to gain power and trade the live for money  and the people denial of that coruption made the it happen .
Eden-West Featured By Owner Apr 16, 2014  Professional Digital Artist
Funny that you talk about this. I'm also terrified of being pregnant, and raising a child. Yet it's our function. Yet I get nightmares about it all the time. :( I understand. 
MiruFujiwara Featured By Owner Apr 11, 2014  Hobbyist Traditional Artist
we're the same, i do fear getting pregnant because i cannot risk seeing myself being in the hospital bed, a needle on your hand and a stitched. This is beautiful and very creative.
KorraLover10 Featured By Owner Dec 21, 2013  Hobbyist Writer
I also have more sympathy for fish. It's not the moms fault they can't have kids but, it was their kind the humans who polluted and are keeping them from repopulating so I have more sympathy for fish and sea creatures as well.
dragonflyfire8 Featured By Owner Oct 21, 2013  Student Digital Artist
i actually agree with you about having sympathy really only for the fish. i also have a phobia of babys....which is weird bec ause actual children love me.
RisaMari Featured By Owner Sep 23, 2013
6LustDriven9 Featured By Owner Sep 20, 2013  Hobbyist Writer
This is very interesting and unique piece. Beautiful! 
AmicitiaDallion Featured By Owner Sep 16, 2013  Hobbyist Traditional Artist
Наркомания... *_*
Farewell-BlackParade Featured By Owner Sep 15, 2013  Hobbyist Digital Artist
lassegorm Featured By Owner Jul 10, 2013  Hobbyist Traditional Artist
I finally made a life changing decision this was the perfect solution now I feel whole again just trying to look out for you
XsilverghostX Featured By Owner Jun 9, 2013  Hobbyist Digital Artist
I have a phobia of infants too, but if you think about it, you shouldn't have to feel sorry, because there are 7 billion people on this planet. I think we have enough babies.
MiruHan Featured By Owner May 20, 2013
as disturbing as the trio of pictures were, i found them to be beautiful too
Dewdrops-in-the-Gras Featured By Owner Mar 28, 2013  Hobbyist General Artist
That is just so...fucking creepy...(ugh! nightmares...)
Kengordladlord Featured By Owner Mar 3, 2013
Phobia is an irrational fear, there's no right or wrong. Sometimes we can't just want people to stand in our own point of view when we can't stand in their point of view. Respect for one another is vital and applaudable. :)
XBUTTERFLY-PROJEX Featured By Owner Dec 29, 2012  Student Digital Artist
what i find funny is when babies or toddlers scrunch up their eyebrows at me as if they were trying to figure me out. or like i insulted them. just by entering the room. this happens a lot. :D
thesignpony Featured By Owner Dec 28, 2012
Puppies are cuter.
MuffinYAYYYYYYYYYYYY Featured By Owner Dec 22, 2012  Hobbyist General Artist
I...don't like babies...I think they get waaaay too much attention...:\
Timishayd Featured By Owner Dec 16, 2012  Hobbyist Digital Artist
Yow know? I've always been intrigued by your phobia.
As you said referring to women who can't reproduce, I can't empathize with your problem.
I don't know how someone could be scared of a tiny creature who can't hurt you. Not like animals that people are usually afraid like rats, snakes, etc.
Besides that, all of us were babies some time ago. We don't born being adults like Venus. You guys disliked yourselfs when you were babies? Or what do you think watching your old photographies, when you were infants?
Personally speaking, I love babies and I want to be a mother. I guess that's why I can't understand your feelings.
Other than that, I love your art so much! You're always an inspiration to me!
Kasakirara Featured By Owner Jun 22, 2013
'I don't know how someone could be scared of a tiny creature who can't hurt you' that's the most ignorant think I've ever heard. Mothers die from childbirth, the act of birth itself is pure violence, and mothers are run into the ground by children, with only a mist of hormones to subside any anger they may feel, a fake blanket disguised as love, to erase the experience to nullify the woman. When a child is born, one life begins and another dies.

Having something alien inside your body that shits and pisses and vomits inside you is disgusting, and when I look at my own baby pictures, I wonder how much stress I induced on others. How many days I ruined. I look forward to the days of synthetic wombs.
Timishayd Featured By Owner Jun 22, 2013  Hobbyist Digital Artist
And I suppose it's the baby's fault? I don't think so.
People have sex deliberately knowing the chances of pregnancy. If they didn't wanted they wouldn't do it. And believe it or not, there are millions of people getting ready to feel that "pain", myself included. If someone is to blame, are the parents, not a creature who isn't aware of the world that is going to be its home.
Before calling someone ignorant, let me tell you that nowadays giving birth is not as painful as it used to be now with the medical technology we have (drugs and caesarean birth).

"Mothers die from childbirth", let me correct you, some women indeed die from childbirth, but the mortality rate is too low compared to a few decades ago and it's decreasing more and more.

Something alien? And you call me ignorant. If it's something from your own species obviously is not alien. Everything has to start somewhere, be it beautifuly or not.

I don't know if you are a woman or a man, but all women I know including the great family and friends I have none of them have said that giving birth is as painful as movies makes you believe. Only if you have gone through that then I would start to think about it.

By the way, I consider myself a somewhat understanding person with an open mind, however I'd liked more that you had approached to my comment in a more respectful manner instead of calling me ignorant. If you insist in talking to me about that matter with another attitude I'll gladly listen to you.
Kasakirara Featured By Owner Jun 24, 2013
People have sex to bond. It's one of the strongest forms of bonding there is, humans are natural risk-takers, and even before contraceptives, couples had sex not to reproduce but to bond and to express feelings that were and still are impossible to vocalize without descending into a Shakespearean soliloquy. It is a highly unconscious act that many people do, forgetting the risk because that's how we are as humans. It's an intimate thing that people should have the freedom to enjoy without fear. A religious view on such a subject in that it is only for reproduction and the practice of abstinence is highly subjective, and not one I take to any serious degree of truth.

It is not even the parents fault; no one can an control the menstrual cycle like some kind of computer mechanic, and contraception can be faulty (that is no excuse for telling others to not have sex. Sex is not just a physical act, that notion is completely narrow and shallow and rejecting of humans capacity to love each other). The fault lies on nothing. It just happened, and can be dealt with however deemed fit by the woman.

The only reason it's not as painful is because the onset of hormones subdues the pain in the memory; the only time the pain will be at its truest is then and there. My mother cannot remember the pain, but she can remember everything else, a relative wishes she'd never done it, it traumatized her and continues to do so, but cannot remember why.
A primarily evolutionary mechanic in humans - babies are always born 2 months premature, that's why human children are not fully developed at birth in comparison with other mammals, due to their heads being too big. They still are, but the evolution of widening the pelvis takes longer than social ordering - because otherwise the threat of females only having one child would probably a reality in most cases, leading to the extinction of the species.

If you're up for it, do it, but I'd rather a world where that pain didn't exist. It's a dehumanizing thing, a vulnerable state where you lose all importance, were your pain is the last thing anybody cares about. You become a job and a flesh vessel, not a person.
The medical profession would rather cesareans stopped altogether, as it is unsafe (which is very ironic, considering there is never a safe birth), and most powerful painkillers are limited to those with deep pockets.

A fetus is very alien; it is a foreign object, the human body itself tries to destroy it using anti-bodies, our immune system recognize a fetus as a foreign invader, and attempts to destroy it, or alter it, because it not part of our bodies, but the body is never strong enough to do so. Miscarriages are the times where the body is able to expel it.
Timishayd Featured By Owner Jul 1, 2013  Hobbyist Digital Artist
Well, I'll keep this short as possible as I can.
You know, is kinda hard to argue with you because we have similar thoughts about that matter, but let's be realistic here: sex main goal is reproduction, no matter how we want to sugarcoat with bonding stuff. Also, forgetting the risk doesn't mean people don't know about the possibility of pregnacy. It's their choice to ignore it while having sex.
If we mammals weren't capable of carry with that task then we wouldn't got pregnat in the first place, or we'd have another way of reproduction.
This conversation is kinda funny and makes no sense to me because:
1) I don't know how we ended up talking about sex and pregnacy when my question was clearly why `yuumei is afraid of babies, regardless of how they're born.
2) Yeah, having a children is not pain-free, buth then there are people who choose to have piercings or tattoes on their bodys, things that doesn't come from your body but from an external source. I may not be an expert, but making holes in your body or inserting needles, that must hurt, right?
3) Pain will be always be there for living forms, even if you choose to have or not have babies. Just be honest and say I don't like babies because I don't and period! I'm fine with people doing what they want in life, without messing with others of course.

And if a fetus is such an strange creature inside your body, then why we have all this system inside us women to keep it safe an feed it until they're ready to leave the womb?

Just let me agree with you in this, while in some families (mine included), having kids is a pretty common thing, to other women is such a painful process, like your relative. I had a co-worker whose baby broke some ribs while she was pregnat. She had a miniature body and the family of his boyfriend had a record of having huge babies. Hence, her daughter was born with a problem in her arms. And well, there are infertile and sterile women in this world, and there's nothing we can do about that.

About that pissing and vomiting thing, I can't speak for the others, but when I was pregnat I didn't even noticed it in the slightest. However, only had that joy for two months because I had a miscarriage.

If you were born it wasn't your choice, so don't need to feel so troubled when thinking about that, it wasn't your choice in the first place, and maybe wasn't your parents either. Just be grateful that you are here and someone gave birth to you to experience this thing we call life, you can feel happy or depressed, because well, you're alive. There's no reason to keep worrying about the past because there is not turning back.

I apologize beforehand but I won't be able to reply to your comments anymore if they're this long. Sadly my schedule cannot afford me to do so. So I thank you for letting me know your point of view politely.

Have a nice day and take care.
wrath9 Featured By Owner Dec 6, 2012
This is quite the intriguing view on life and it's purpose...and the reflection upon humanity in it's beginning state is making me thoughtful here...
So keep on making more of these artworks.....they are quite useful in gaining a better grasp of the things one is thinking about and thus understanding those thoughts to a better degree, however small it is....
Paper-Thin-Skull Featured By Owner Dec 1, 2012
That is pretty trippy damn.
PrincessSolia Featured By Owner Nov 27, 2012  Student Traditional Artist
I like babies, they make me feel bubbly. :iconretardloveitplz:
You know it's kind of funny, I love babies but I'm scared of touching live fish. We're oppositez~!
Then again fish don't really scare me, I just don't want to get cut on their dorsal fin thing or have them nip off my finger.
moonmystery Featured By Owner Nov 10, 2012  Hobbyist General Artist
omg this freaked me out...Sorry. But it's beautiful as well.
Poetsiren Featured By Owner Oct 21, 2012
Intriguing work! Very unique! I laughed a little at the hands coming out of the fish: it reminds me very much of the movie High Spirits.
SherlSquirl Featured By Owner Oct 12, 2012  Hobbyist Artist
beautiful but disturbing...
MinxFox Featured By Owner Oct 11, 2012  Student Digital Artist
Haha yeah I don't like human babies... I would rather just have a bunch of baby animals.
kousaichi Featured By Owner Sep 20, 2012
Not really. But if you have a need to reproduce without the dealing with the "pregnancy dramas" and sight of a baby, you can always donate your eggs (as it will carry your DNA)
Penguin-Drumz Featured By Owner Aug 7, 2012  Student General Artist
do you have some kind of fetish with hands lol? but your imagination is very wild and creative. you're a great role model~ :'D
Riveraeon Featured By Owner Jul 24, 2012  Professional Digital Artist
I tip my hat to you
CupcakeTeaKitten Featured By Owner Jul 24, 2012  Hobbyist General Artist
Lol I'm not that freaked out... I can kinda relate when I see this to an anime XD
Anyway I am not really fond of babies either. I'm always afraid that I would drop them if I held them, and... Well, cleanliness is another worry I have about babies xD Anyway, I wouldn't mind if I had kids, or if I see one just innocently laying in its carrier or stroller in public, it's just that I'm not comfortable around them. Whether I'm interacting with them or just avoiding them altogether. So I can sorta-kinda relate with you about that ^^
Very nice picture, btw :)
Kitsunenohanayome Featured By Owner Jul 18, 2012  Hobbyist Digital Artist
Honestly, I can sort of sympathize with you. I've never really liked babies, they're just so tiny and delicate, and THE SOFT SPOT! Only this last year have I come to like them. Or, just one. My baby sister is wonderful, the light of my life. And yet, for the first ten days of her life, I felt so uneasy being near her, touching her, or holding her. But I love her, and I've slightly gotten over my little baby issue. Unfortunately, I'm only that way with her. So, when I see babies on the television, I don't feel anything. Or even when my aunt asks me to hold her baby, I always decline. It's not that I hate the baby or anything, it's more like I'm scared of handling this strange, fragile, almost alien life form.
holy jesus
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